a head full

Really good run this morning – 40 mins – with the sun shining so warmly it was like being hugged. Four people said a smiling “Good Morning!” as I ran past and the chestnut flower-candles are looking gorgeous. I must remember to take my camera out and see if I can capture any of it next time. Nothing more than a very mild twinge in the shins, too. Excellent. Due to the glucosamine and chondroitin supplements?? Dunno.

But so many thoughts and fears and frustrations about the business traipsing round and round inside my skull. A friend helped me to see the situation and my options more clearly this weekend, which was good. But fundamentally, it comes down to whether I have the cohones (sp?!) to set up on my own. Big responsibility. No one else to blame if things don’t work. And a lot of people relying on me. Which is rather daunting.

Also, I wonder – as I have throughout my working life – when I’ll be rumbled for the lazy fraud that I am. I know I’m not as good at this job as others seem to think; I’m just not driven and entrepreneurial enough. It was the same, only worse, in fundraising. I could never quite believe it when it worked (ish).

But maybe having the decision-making control and freedom from interference, as well as the responsibility, would be the best possible motivator?

Only one way to find out, of course.

W and B are currently conducting a barely concealed battle over the ‘alleged’ £100K discrepancy in last years accounts. “Cry, Havoc! and let loose the dogs of war!”…

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