Ah, oh, okay, I see, so, my emotionally manipulative colleague who shall remain nameless (Wendy) is NOT HAPPY about me “abandoning” her to take this new job in Sydney.
Clearly, my going to Sydney is designed to Ruin Her Life and I should feel bad about the possibility of her not getting everthing exactly how she wants when I go… Not that she knows what she wants, of course.
Doesn’t want to take on my role, but doesn’t want someone else coming in and doing it. Doesn’t want to be left to run the place on her own, but doesn’t want anyone else to help her. Doesn’t want to talk it through like a reasonable person, but doesn’t want a slap in the face either. Which is a great pity, frankly.
I don’t care anymore though. Nope. Do not care. She can cry/throw files all she likes. Don’t care.
Tra la la…
peripatetic sloth 
Too right!
If she get’s that upset by people coming and going in her life she’s not going to have an easy life…
Best of luck with your preparations!
Oh, just slap her and get it over with. Sort of the prophylactic slap; perhaps it will bring her to her senses.
Thanks Woodpigeon!
And you’re right, healingmagichands, that’s exactly what she needs! I’ve ben longing to do it for four years…
Ugh. I had someone like that in my life for a while- not a professional colleague, but an internet acquaintance. I agree, give her a good slap and then ignore her. Sooner or later she’ll find someone else to direct the temper tantrums toward.
I think you’re being a little mean on her; especially in the sudden contrast to the fact that you have probably been incredibly nice to her for the last x years – this will be an abrupt and shocking change for her, and you should think about that.
You are probably upset because you are chuffed and want her to be too, as well as that, her being a tamtrum throwing problem is no longer a thing you have to put up with so your patience has probably gone gone gone.
I’m not saying you should put up with endless whingeing etc. and there is always a point at which one turns around to moaning minnies and says ‘shut the f**k up and pull yourself together’… particularly the ones who go on and on about ‘nobody loves me, i’m a turd…’etc… as this in fact reaches a point of being a means of getting attention above anything else.
You have become something of a lean to for Wendy and she has become used to that – which is partly your responsibility for allowing it at all (you could have taken this approach from the beginning) – so hold off on the slaps.
She is a bit addicted to your resilience and robustness and beams of light, your hope and all that, so perhaps she needs some help coming down… You can tell her to pull herself together without slapping her, You can point to her ridiculous behaviour, and tell her to go and see someone to get it sorted by herself.
how about that?
hmmm, she’s not used to my resilience/robustness/beams of light – she’s used to me being her doormat and whipping boy. Which, I agree, is largely my fault for letting that happen in the first place – but, in my defence, I was very ill when I took this job on 4 years ago and my self-confidence had ENTIRELY disappeared, so its not surprising that I let her bully me emotionally. Plus, I was trying to be nice.
Nobody likes criticism, but I have taken plenty both at work and out of it – Wendy on the other hand cannot take criticism of any kind. She flares up instantly, so there’s no point trying to discuss it. I have tried, I assure you.
But I wouldn’t really slap her. I’ve only ever slapped one person – our mutual colleague Mr B and he did richly deserve it – but I realise that Wendy has problems so I do take a deep breath when dealing with her, and give her more leeway than anyone else I’ve ever met.
I also know that her youngest child is about to leave home at the moment, which is adding to her feeling of abandonment so, again, more leeway.
But you know what – if I have to be grown up and pretend I’m really happy about things that are hurtful to me for the sake of other people’s peace of mind, general courtesy and friendship and cos its the right thing to do, then why the heck doesn’t she?!
I am trying not to remember some of the things she’s said to me over the years that have been genuinely nasty. Instead, I will think about the lovely things you said to Martin and Melissa in the intro emails last week. Cheers m’dear 🙂
I’ll tell you what, there’s a point at which even my credulity is stretched beyond endurance.
How can Wendy be any of your fault? She’s so bloody lucky she’s had someone as understanding and patient as you for as long as she has. Her curse is that she can’t see it. And as for fostering her tantrums and so on, rubbish. You’ve had to be the arch-ameliorator in order to get through the day – every day!
You didn’t employ this woman, she was foisted upon you. No-one could deal with her decisively in the ‘Oh grow up, pull yourself together’ manner as she’s quite ruthless enough, not to say vindictive enough, to do something desperate and somehow that would be your fault.
After putting in well enough time with Wendy, fate has given you an out. Wendy is not introspective enough to realise that life gives you back what you put in.
Wow- the above sounds EXACTLY like what I went through with that former acquaintance of mine. How much worse it must be, truce, to have to deal with this woman face to face on a daily basis. It must make your workdays really miserable. In fact, making other people’s existence as miserable as hers sounds like this woman’s raison d’etre.
When it comes to ruthless, vindictive people, it pays to have a policy of zero tolerance, not more leeway. The more you give, the more people like that demand, until they’ve sucked you dry of your own joy.
I’m glad you’re getting out of there. Wendy will just have to find someone or something else to project her unhappiness toward.
Thanks for the understanding girls, it has been a struggle at times – especially as there are just the two of us in the office so when she’s not speaking to me its pretty obvious! – so I’m just glad to be able to leave it all behind me.
In a way its a pity because I love the rest of the job, but she just poisons the atmosphere and makes me feel like I’ve been treading on eggshells for the last four years.
I’m sure there will be other challenges at the new job, but… 🙂
Wow. She sounds like she’s in grade 7. Actually, some of the grade seven girls I used to work with didn’t even act like that. You sound like you’ve got a handle in it and are doing your best to not let her make you angry. Good for you. She should learn from you.
–L
It’s awful, feeling like you’ve got to tread on eggshells all the time just to be around someone. That there’s just the two of you in the office has probably provided her with more reason to direct so much of her bile at you.
Personally, I feel that adults who act like terminally spoiled children perhaps don’t have a reasonale expectation of the friendship of adults who are acapable of acting grwon up. Your feelings are just as important as hers. You should not be expected to be held hostage by her neuroses and tantrums.
When you said “don’t care” in your first posting, I thought perhaps you might, just a little bit. I’ve been there- I felt a lot of pity for a very toxic “friend” for a long time. It’s hard not to, even when it’s at the expense of your own well-being. I’m glad you’re getting out of the situation and won’t have to deal with this poison on a daily basis any more.
yeah, she’s still dropping nasty little digs into conversations with me or about me – always with a laugh so she can accuse you of not having a sense of humour if you’re offended! I’m hardly even hearing them anymore 🙂
Ooh I hate that ‘I was only joking’ lie that bullies use.
Perhaps I had a mental model that she was less vitriolic than is the case. Either way it doesn’t matter now you’re leaving – but I agree with pyscho that I bet you care a bit (wouldn’t have put up with it otherwise) 🙂
Question is – do you warn the next person?
FUCK her.
And forget her. Though remember enough to recognise that same type when (not if) they show up in your life again.
It must be awful being her.