The Temptation to be a Judgemental Prude

My flat mate says she wants to find a nice man with whom she can settle down and have children. Fair enough, says I.

She even split with the last bloke because he just wanted a no strings deal. Again, head nodding, fine.

But then she goes out on a Friday night, dressed if not to kill then certainly to maim fairly seriously, gets smashed, and comes home with a bloke 10 years her junior who says several times that he’s not looking for a relationship.

Three Fridays in the last 2 months. Three different young chaps.

Do they ever call her again? Nope.

And no, I’m not jealous. I’m baffled and a little concerned – she’s an intelligent, successful, attractive woman… SO WHY IS SHE DOING THIS???

This entry was posted in oh I don't know, just stuff, rants. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to The Temptation to be a Judgemental Prude

  1. Ed says:

    She’s beating her head against a brick wall in the vain hope that something miraculous will happen I guess (and the sex probably isn’t that great if they’re both drunk anyway). Poor thing.

    She’ll either strike it lucky and her man will be the drunk muppet who she bumps into later by some amazing run of chance. Or she’ll proceed in a dumbed down version of Sex and The City (caveat I’ve never managed to sit through it it’s so annoying), bringing her self confidence down and down and down until I don’t know when.

    If she wants to find a nice man who she gets on with, they’re going to have to have the same interests. The only vaguely hopeful way of doing that is by following her interests and doing stuff tht reflects that, and maybe meeting someone that way… but we’re back into the dating conversations of last winter…

    Maybe it’s a self esteem thing, or something like that…

  2. piereth says:

    She needs proof that she’s attractive and she needs the obliteration and freedom that alcohol gives you, to enable her to feel marvellous. Pulling is an addiction. She says she wants stability, children, domesticity and the whole nine yards but she might run a mile if she ever got it!

    She’s stuck in a loop and you’ll have to leave her to spin until she can swim her way out.

  3. Her mistake is thinking that she can find a serious relationship with a guy who wants stability and children in a bar while she is getting smashed. Why is she doing it? Maybe because she is hornier than heck and wants to have sex. God knows, I had more than my share of one night stands, and I certainly didn’t have getting smashed as an excuse because at that time in my life I didn’t drink at all. And I turned out all right, in the end.

  4. azahar says:

    I’d be more concerned about one of those young chaps robbing you blind while you sleep and disappearing into the night.

    If your flatmate wants to risk bringing total strangers home for the night that’s one thing, but I don’t think she should also put you at risk.

  5. truce says:

    Yeah, I have no problem with one night stands or sex for the sake of sex – sex is great fun and as far as I’m concerned everyone should do it more – but as you say, the sex isn’t any good because they’re both smashed so I can’t see the point.

    And even if it does make her feel better about herself at the time, judging by how low she’s been the last three days it sure as heck comes with a downside when they don’t call back.

    Trouble is, she doesn’t really have any interests that she could meet people whilst pursuing – I tried suggesting that. I feel like I’m almost on holiday here, and I don’t like being indoors, so I spend my weekends diving, walking, plus I run and go to Yoga and go out to the cinema. She pretty much only leaves the house to a) go to work b) get shopping c) go to a bar, so she’s a bit stuffed.

  6. Ed says:

    on further discussion between me and Janine, Janine pointed out that she may be in her 30s (?) – given this assumption, let’s assume that the generally accepted socialising model for 20 smthgs is go to bar get hammered; the 30 smthg model is more mature and interest focused – thus she hasn’t quite work ed that out yet…

    don’t agree with the sex mad line of thought – if it really was sex she was addicted to, there are other ways to get it, and on the whole, any intoxication makes sex less good…

  7. Maybe you need a different room mate. . .

  8. Skippa says:

    She’s lying, obviously.


  9. truce says:

    Yep, she’s in her 30’s same as me/us. And I agree, I think the problem is that she hasn’t changed her socialising model.

    But no, she’s not after sex for the sake of sex, she’s just hoping that sex will lead to something more.

    And mostly she’s a great flatmate, and its her life, I wrote this post after we’d had a discussion which had begun with “Why hasn’t he called me?” and ended up being “Trucie, you should wear sexier clothes and drink more when you’re out” which tipped me over the edge a wee bit. Very difficult to reply to that without saying either “I don’t want to dress like a desperate tart…” or “No, actually I think I’m fine as I am, frumpy and teetotal, thanks”.


  10. Ed says:

    “.. you should wear sexier clothes and drink more when you’re out…”

    ha ha ha ha brilliant – maybe you could have offered her some sturdy hiking boots and a strapping weekend of healthy physical activity and following/finding your interests 🙂

  11. piereth says:

    What a load of shit – it’s always the insecure ones who want you to do what they do so they feel better about what they’re up to!

    If you wore typical pulling gear you’d blow the fuses on most poor men’s brains. They simply wouldn’t be able to handle the voltage. 🙂

    As for drinking more, arseholes. I drink too much and I’m trying to cut down. Nowadays, no-one should drink ‘more’!

    She’s a 17 year old trapped in a 35 year old’s body.

  12. Dominic says:

    frumpy.. I think not. If you had wanted to wear sexier/no cloths then you would have excepted the naked house cleaning job i offered. Damm i forgot to post the letter!!!.

  13. truce says:

    Ah, Ed, I have more to offer than sturdy hiking boots and a strapping weekend of physical activity… if only you knew 🙂

    Piereth m’dear, I have been known to blow the odd fuse in my time, certainly… of course, its usually only the VERY ODD whose fuses I blow 🙂

    Dom, now if I’d got that letter I would never have come to Oz. You know how much I love cleaning!!! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s