Banks – No Worries

Hello, yes, I’d like to move some of my own money from one of my own accounts here in Australia to another one of my own accounts in the UK please.

No. Not unless you pay us.

A charge? But how can you charge me to move my money? Its not your money I’m asking you to move.


For heaven’s sake, its not like you have to arrange for actual money to be moved anywhere. There’s no hefting of bullion from one safe to another. Its just numbers in a computer. One computer talking to another, just like we’re doing now.


We used to own this bloody country you know! That’s why you speak English! You wouldn’t even have money or computers if it wasn’t for all my Irish forebears being transported. And you’d be stuffed without the umbrella on a day like today wouldn’t you? Just think about that!


Oh, okay. Sorry to have bothered you.

Quicker to strap a wad of cash to a carrier pigeon’s leg and chuck it out of the window. Probably safer, too – especially given than Aussie paper dollars aren’t paper at all, they’re plastic, so they’re waterproof and virtually indestructible.

Here chuck, chuck, chuck…

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5 Responses to Banks – No Worries

  1. Woodpigeon says:

    “A banker: the person who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it rains.” Mark Twain.

  2. piereth says:

    Argh! The true definition of Money for Nothing.

  3. They don’t make enough money charging you interest to loan you money while paying you a lot less interest for being allowed to use yours to loan other people, or the numerous fees they charge. Why do you want to transfer money anyway? They want you to leave it where it is, therefore the fee for moving it. After all, if you move it to another bank, it won’t be available in Their Bank. I hate bankers.

  4. truce says:

    I knew you guys would be with me on this! :))

  5. I am facing the same sort of trial here as I attempt to pay a deposit for a room reservation for a trip we are making to Europe next March. But, our silly little local bank here doesn’t even know how to make a wire transfer!

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