Hello, yes, I’d like to move some of my own money from one of my own accounts here in Australia to another one of my own accounts in the UK please.
No. Not unless you pay us.
A charge? But how can you charge me to move my money? Its not your money I’m asking you to move.
For heaven’s sake, its not like you have to arrange for actual money to be moved anywhere. There’s no hefting of bullion from one safe to another. Its just numbers in a computer. One computer talking to another, just like we’re doing now.
We used to own this bloody country you know! That’s why you speak English! You wouldn’t even have money or computers if it wasn’t for all my Irish forebears being transported. And you’d be stuffed without the umbrella on a day like today wouldn’t you? Just think about that!
Oh, okay. Sorry to have bothered you.
Quicker to strap a wad of cash to a carrier pigeon’s leg and chuck it out of the window. Probably safer, too – especially given than Aussie paper dollars aren’t paper at all, they’re plastic, so they’re waterproof and virtually indestructible.
Here chuck, chuck, chuck…