Dog Tired. In fact, more tired than a dog. Much more. And how tired do dogs really get, anyway? Its not like most of them work for a living.

I know that tiredness is my Worst Enemy, so why do I keep working when I should yell “Enoouuuuugggghhhhh!” and flounce out of the office as the clock chimes 5pm?

Okay, so tiredness is not my Worst Enemy.  Also, our office clock doesn’t chime, its digital.  Victoria, whose nose I broke in the school dinner queue, is probably my Worst Enemy.  

Talking nonsense when I’m tired is probably, almost certainly, in my Top Three Enemies.  Along with the phrase “Truce, do you have 2 minutes to look at this?” and people who put celery in salads.




I was walking home last night, tiredly, thinking about the Key Indicators of an Advanced Civilisation.  As one does.

I came up with the following:

1. trains

2. orthodontics

3. propelling pencils


I have excellent reasons for all three.  Compelling, even.  But I’m too tired to elucidate.  See if you can guess.

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7 Responses to Dog Tired. In fact, more tired than a dog. Much more. And how tired do dogs really get, anyway? Its not like most of them work for a living.

  1. modestypress says:

    Trains run on tracks. Orthodontics put tracks around your teeth. “Propelling pencils” must be a British phrase similar to “lift” and “petrol”; Americans call them “mechanical pencils,” just as they lift themselves to the 13th floor in an elevator and pour very expensive gasoline into their petrol tanks.

    Wikipedia tells me:

    The use of mechanical pencils became widespread after being popularised by Australian legal theorist Marcus Coleman who famously used one when drafting the Australian Constitution in the late 19th Century and injured himself with it in the process.

    I’ve completely lost track of where I was going with this and it’s clear I am so far away from your train of thought that I am completely off the tracks.

    Also, I can’t find information about Marcus Coleman and how he injured himself with a propelling pencil while drafting the Australian Constitution.

    As you are an Australian, (although an immigrant) please let me know the story.

  2. And here I thought “propelling pencils” were a brilliant new form of office warfare … some kind of self-launching defensive weapon for the boardroom.

    But Mr. Random has ruined my little fantasy, and degraded the propelling pencil to the same level as the “reservoir pen.”


  3. Alas, my mind is more on the species wars which will be fought between coat-hangers and ball-point pens for the possession of Earth after homo sapiens jumps off the perch. And upon those degenerate people who consider that cucumber is a salad ingredient. Sorry I’m of no help tonight. I’m as tired as a Kevin Rudd public servant.

  4. truce says:

    I knew it. I had every confidence in you three gentleman and you have not disappointed me.

    I had no idea that propelling pencils could be so dangerous – this only enhances the already enormous respect I have for them.

    I may start a new religion. Clearly such all-powerful beings should be worshipped and propitiated with offerings.

    But what does one give to the propelling pencil that has everything??

  5. In plane language?

    A Propeller!

  6. Ed says:

    pencils rock because they are self-lubricating. trains roll because they have wheels and people have to share space while moving from a to b.

    orthodontics; well i don’t know. i might have included cute outfits to dress your pet up in instead; now there’s a civilisation indicator.

    put broad beans in salads. i’m very into salads at the mo, and some home grown broad beans, courgettes with feta (not home grown but i’ve always wanted a cheese tree), bit of this and that, and bobs your uncle.

  7. truce says:

    orthodontics struck me as a) a way of cruelling punishing children while still pretending to be so civilised that you’re above corporal punishment and b) all about vanity. Teeth still do their job when they’re crooked, but no, we want ’em straight. Our Society has so much extra cash and time on its hands that it can afford to waste it on teeth straightening.

    Broad beans are a very good thing. I love them. They would kick celery’s arse.

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