I'm not ready.

I’m still single, despite recent half-hearted attempts with the online dating thing, and I know why.

I’m not ready. Nor am I willing or able.

I know I should be.  I’ve been single, but for a couple of near misses, for 5 years.  I should be ready, willing and able.

But then I have conversations like the one I had with my English Photo-Researcher friend yesterday, who is going through a rough patch with her husband, and I know that I just cannot face all that emotional turmoil again. In my experience it is simply not worth it.

I like the fact that there’s no one to cry over anymore.

‘Course, the fact that there’s also no one to tamper with is less ideal… 

 

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14 Responses to I'm not ready.

  1. jiva says:

    I can see your point, although I would never ever had agreed to marry unless I knew I wanted to grow old with Scotty. Plus there is no heart ache there, well not at the moment and very unlikely to be because we both understand where we are and what we want out of our relationship. I’d say its always what you make of it as much as what you expect from the other party. I’m finding it more painful at the moment coping with the fact that my mum may only have a few more months left in her. An unconditional love that cannot be replaced.

  2. pandemonic says:

    Well, if you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. When you are ready, you’ll know.

  3. Sometimes tampering isn’t all it’s cracked up to be – – –

  4. piereth says:

    With all your previous comments, and would add…

    1) there’s always heartache, and it has to be faced, and it sucks and sometimes its not worth the effort… but sometimes it is.

    2) you can only make decisions about the next five minutes in your life. Decisions about the whole of the rest of your life cannot be made; we only think they can. So we make them; then realise we still have to keep on deciding. Again, sometimes worth it.

    3) Tampering, minus emotional turmoil, is fantastic stuff. Roll on with a bit more of that, and see how you go!

    xxx

  5. truce says:

    jiva – good point, one can only avoid turmoil up to a certain point – the turmoil which comes from loving family members can’t be avoided. But that unconditional love doesn’t need to be replaced, since the very fact of it is what gives us our own strength and ability to love – it lasts beyond the lifetime of the giver.

    pandemonic – eminently sensible, thank you 🙂

    archie – nope, you must be doing it wrong 😉

    piereth – point 2 is particularly excellent. It completely justifies my entire approach to life up to this point. Point 3 will also, I feel, bear further investigation. Purely in the name of scientific rigour, you understand…

  6. Mmmmm, yes. Every time I hear about a friend’s or relative’s horrifying divorce (the latest one involved, I kid you not, a house full of 300 lizards) I’m pretty sure I want to stay single for the rest of my natural life. I actually get up in the morning and I’m so thankful that I don’t have to talk to anyone, I don’t have to be cheerful, I can leave the bathroom door open, I can sing along to the radio, I can do all the little annoying things that I want to do, and nobody cares. And the bed is all mine, all mine! And the cats are all mine! And nobody’s stuff is in my closet! And I can eat strange things at strange hours without anyone asking what I’m doing! And I can sleep in the middle of the day without anyone asking if I’m sick, or waking me up!

    Such stupid little things, but I love them. Never having had congenial companionship, I can’t imagine what benefits there might be to giving these things up, to making room for mess and annoyance and someone else’s likes and dislikes. Maybe if I believed that love were possible, I’d feel differently. I guess love would make it worthwhile. But I’ve never had the kind of love that triumphs over the petty annoyances of everyday life. Maybe no love would, for me, and I’m destined to die alone with my cats. But maybe that’s not so bad.

  7. azahar says:

    “I like the fact that there’s no one to cry over anymore.”

    Sounds a bit pessimistic to me. I don’t know any couples at the moment whose relationship inspires me to want one ‘just like that’, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting one that I’d find personally satisfying.

    Anyhow, comparison isn’t a very reliable way of making decisions as you can always find someone better/worse off than yourself.

    I like piereth’s point 2, too.

  8. Ed says:

    i could go on about this at great length right now but will spare you all; in the meantime, an English poet once wrote: “As we plough the furrows of happiness, so we sow the seeds of sorrow”

  9. truce says:

    David – god, yes. I can eat cereal with banana for dinner and nobody will tell me its not a proper meal. I can spend Sunday in my dressing gown, reading, without being told I’m wasting the day. I can use the whole of the bed and all of the covers. I can wonder round the house naked in the morning without feeling self-conscious. I can watch BBC costume dramas without a battle over a clash with some stupid current affairs program. 🙂

    But I want to believe in a love that would be worth putting up with all the petty annoyances. I really, really do.

    Azahar – I’m not normally pessimistic. No, wait, actually, I’m never pessimistic about anything except my love-life. Everything else – career, finances, abode, health etc – I’m optimistic about. I have no idea why that is.

    Ed – you gotta love poets. I hope you and J continue to plow happily away, without reaping any sorrowful harvest. If your allotment is anything to go by, all is green and idyllic 🙂

  10. Maybe the trick is to somehow find a partner who wouldn’t be completely annoying. It seems impossible, I grant you that.

  11. modestypress says:

    David and truce,

    Perhaps the two of you can found a University.

    This university will issue but one degree: A Bachelor of Arts in Not Being Completely Annoying.

    Upon graduation one of the students marries true and the other marries David.

    I attended the University of Being Completely Annoying.

    The varsity team from your University will compete with my University’s team. Warning: we cheat.

    Though I have never cheated on my wife. However, I annoy her constantly.

  12. modestypress says:

    “Marries truce” is what I meant to say, of course, but marrying true would not be bad either. I also neglected to say the University would only enroll and graduate two students and then close its doors while still ahead.

  13. truce says:

    David – I think I annoy myself even more than someone else would annoy me… largely because I am annoyed by things which I know, rationally, I have no reason to be annoyed by. *sigh*

    Mr Random – the varsity team from our institution would magnanimously allow your team to cheat, turning a collective blind eye, in order not to annoy your team by pointing out the error of their ways. Then we’d lose, 104-nil, and go home and cry quietly to ourselves so as not to annoy the neighbours with our sobs.

  14. modestypress says:

    truce,

    That would be wise on your part. If you complained about our behavior, our team would begin “ethnic cleansing.”

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