il Papa and organised sex

The Pope, Benedict XVI, is here in Sydney – deepset creepy eyes, whiter than white robes, Popemobile an’ all.  

Every Roman Catholic on the planet appears to have descended on us, too. We’re positively awash in monks, nuns, ‘Youth Group Leaders’ and pimpled persons with garishly coloured WYD08 backpacks.

I have the following 4 rants relating to the presence of il Papa:

1. If God is so a) good and b) all-powerful, why does he make all Christians so damned ugly and uncool?  Yes, all of them… unless its a cunningly simple contraceptive plan, in which case, nice one God.  Don’t let ’em breed.

2. Lots of my fellow Sydney-siders are grumbling about the cost of this Catholic extravaganza.  Me, I’m fine with it.  Afterall, New South Wales spends rather a lot on other minority interest groups, funding numerous arts programs and various sporting events.  In fact, let’s hope we soon have Islamic Youth Day and Jewish Youth Day – we might get some decent music at the concerts.  Christians and guitars… *shudder*

3. We all know this is just one big, cynical match-making event, right?  I mean, His Holiness has arranged for every Roman Catholic of child-bearing/sperm-producing age to be here for a week of festivities.  Does anyone else smell a diabolical plot to increase flagging attendance at Mass by encouraging a mass-spawning in 9 months time, thus providing instant bums on seats for another generation and thereby Saving the World from Heretics and Heathens?

4. Why are Christians so unrelentingly cheerful?  Good grief, if one more of them wishes me a “Happy Eternity” I swear I’ll poke them in the eye with a sharp stick.  Can’t they read my t-shirt?  It has a picture of praying hands on the front, with the words ‘Stop Talking To Yourself’ underneath. Ohmigod, I’m so funny, I crack myself up.  *sounds of whittling in background*

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15 Responses to il Papa and organised sex

  1. I assume from this rant that you tend to believe in the rites of the Flying Spaghetti Monster – – –

  2. azahar says:

    I’m pretty much live and let live when it comes to personal beliefs. But I tend to get upset when, say, a Catholic doctor puts my life at risk because his church is anti-abortion.

  3. pandemonic says:

    Do you know, even though the Pope was here in the US a few months ago, I know of more people who are in Australia right now just to visit him?

    I am thinking they just needed an excuse to get out of here.

  4. In our town, which has only one hospital, you cannot get a vasectomy or have your tubes tied. Yep, it’s a catholic hospital.

    “Happy Eternity?” Oy. I’d have to think of a snappy answer. Better than “See you in hell first”

    How about “Define happy. Define eternity.” Oooh, I like “I’ll settle for having a nice day, thanks.”

  5. modestypress says:

    Many years ago, my wife, my daughter (then about eight or nine I think), and I went out for a pleasant weekend at Seattle Center (big park/civic center in Seattle).

    As we were walking in, a young man, long hair, “Jesus freak” as they were known in those days, walked up to us and said, “Jesus loves you,” and tried to hand us a little Christian brochure. I politely said, “No thank you.”

    The young man’s face contorted in rage and he started screaming about how were going to rot in Hell.

    It was quiet a vivid moment of Jesus love.

    I don’t regard this as “typical” of Christians. I have a sister who became a fundamentalist Christian at 13. I consider her the most irritating person I have ever met. I don’t think it’s because she is a Christian; I think she didn’t develop emotionally properly and would be irritating no matter what she was in terms of beliefs.

    In fact, I know quite a few Christians, some quite well, and I find them just as diverse as any racial group, or any other broad group. It’s just odd that so many people claim to believe the same thing, yet vary so much.

  6. truce says:

    Archie – I’m not sure I’m much of a believer in anything, to be honest. But if I had to choose, I guess I could do worse than his pastafarianess. 😉

    pandemonic – good point, they’re all over here expecting sex on Bondi beach. Good luck to ’em, its winter!

    hmh – Catholic hospital? Sheesh, to be avoided I’d say. I’m still struggling with the appropriate response to “Happy Eternity”, I’m thinking “F**k off” about covers it.

    Mr Random – I know several very pleasant, sane and intelligent people who also happen to be Christians. But yes, the ones who delight in telling you that you’ll rot in hell do seem to out-number them. I’m sure Christ would have been extremely disappointed.

  7. Jenny says:

    And then there are the ones who ring your doorbell in the morning! Don’t get me started. I scared some of them when I freaked out at them because they woke my baby up. Do NOT mess with a sleep deprived mother.

  8. truce says:

    I really object to random unsolicited people either ringing my doorbell or calling me on the phone. Ever.

  9. honjii says:

    unless its a cunningly simple contraceptive plan, in which case, nice one God. Don’t let ‘em breed.

    I don’t think it’s working, or there wouldn’t be so damn many of them.

    Nice blog, I found you through our mutual friend, Archie

  10. truce says:

    thanks Honjii 🙂 archie is a good blog to try to live up to!

  11. piereth says:

    Ahhh, the popish love-in. I’ve been watching this feeling queasy on this side of the world – just glad I’m not there!

    I see with alarm that there was a move afoot to make it impossible to object to importuning by delegates while the shindig was going on – glad the voices of reason told them to rack off.

  12. LazyBuddhist says:

    Are they seriously wishing you a Happy Eternity? I’ve never heard that one before. Just . . . wow. What in the hell is that supposed to mean anyway?

  13. Teresa says:

    Ah geez, Truce, tell us how you really feel. And they are plug ugly, aren’t they?

    Have a Happy Eternity. Would you like fries with that?

  14. truce says:

    Teresa – hi! yep, plug ugly, and draping themselves in their country’s flag doesn’t help any.

    LOL 🙂

  15. truce says:

    LazyBuddhist – yes, they seriously were. And I have no idea what they meant, I was too busy going “WTF???” 😉

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