Anxiety and Dread

for the last couple of days I have been feeling increasingly uneasy. I’m not sure what is causing it, but I don’t like it.

Quite apart from anything else, it makes me anxious that I might be getting ill again – losing my laboriously regathered marbles – which fills me with murmuring dread.

Please don’t be nice to me or I’ll cry.

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22 Responses to Anxiety and Dread

  1. piereth says:

    Ok won’t be nice to you! BUT if you are having a periodic bout of depression go see someone and get yourself back on an even keel. I worry about you all the way over there!!

    Go on, you know you want to, then we can be the Seroxat Twins 🙂

    That feeling, of murmuring dread? could me your leprechauns trying to tell you something. Keep an ear out xxxxxx

  2. Ed says:

    ooh i hate that feeling. the black dog calling. once it’s been there’s always a little chance it might come back and that feeling of potential ‘going back there’ just sucks ass.

    now pull yourself together, bitch 😉

  3. jiva says:

    find some less depressing music for a start. It wont help listening to coldplay. Apart from that, it could just be a bout of odd PMT. Probably far too hopefull with that but I am tempted to give you a virtual hard slap if that is what you’re wanting.
    So, stop moping, its nearly summer and we’re freezing our nutts off around here jealous of you out in the sunshine. Start trying to count the positives, even writing them down helps me. Not that I’m any personal greatness at coming out of being depressed and no I’m not being nice to you. Chin up and get on with it. You’re a solid brit at heart. Even if getting on with it is getting help.

  4. Jenny says:

    Close your office door, turn up the volume and dance around and sing to the above song.

    Keep posting!

  5. modestypress says:

    Don’t read my blog today. It’s written as a downer.

  6. Jenny says:

    and by the way … was there supposed to be a secret that you were going to tell us today??? 🙂

  7. It must be something in the air – I wrote of the Black Dog last night. Mine is away at the moment, harassing someone else.

  8. truce says:

    piereth – first, I’m going to take a day and a half off work at the end of this week (I was going to take 2 days, but I’d forgotten about a big meeting tomorrow which I can’t miss since I’m supposed to be organising it). Then I’m going to go for a long run. Then I will sit on my balcony and read my book and drink tea and eat healthy salads. And get a couple of early nights. If all that fails, I’ll go and see a doctor, promise.

    Ed – can I borrow the big stick you use to poke the black dog with please? 😉

    Jiva – you’re right, I will count my blessings. Of course, it would be peeing down with rain today which never helps, but still, better than Norwich’s weather I’m sure.

    Jenny – thanks, very bouncy! And the secret is only which projects various colleagues are going to be working on, so although it was confidential til they were informed on Monday in the big staff meeting, it wouldn’t be interesting to anyone outside our office, sorry!

    Mr Random – too late.

    Archie – aha, I wondered why he’d arrived all covered in red desert dust. 😉

  9. Sometimes I do this stupid irritating thing where I’ll get up and list ten things I’m grateful for, and then before bed I’ll list ten things I accomplished during the day. The idea is that this will cheer me up, but actually the process of doing it makes me so annoyed and grouchy that I’m no longer depressed, I’m just irritable and snappish. That’s usually an improvement, though.

  10. truce says:

    the mere thought of trying to force my brain to list 10 anything is enough to make me want to crawl under my desk and weep right now, but I take your point.

    Okay, here goes with 10 things I’m grateful for:

    1. That the deadlines are over for a few months.
    2. That Detail-Oriented American Woman has moved desks – moved floors even – so instead of her sitting nearest to me I now have my favourite colleague Pint-Sized Martial Artist.
    3. ThatI have enough leave accrued to be able to take tomorrow afternoon and the whole of Friday off.
    4.That – even though it is raining here today – I know there is a good chance it won’t be raining tomorrow.
    5. That I have a warm, leak-free house to which I can return this evening and food in the cupboards, so I don’t need to grocery shop tonight.
    6. That I don’t have a cold or ‘flu
    7. That I was lent a good book which I’m looking forward to reading on my days off and over the weekend.
    8. That….oh, I don’t know – I guess I don’t have to go home and be nice to anyone since I live alone, I’m grateful for that.
    9. That my back is less painful than it was this morning.
    10. That I only have to list 10 things.

    At least I’ll have one thing to list in my 10 accomplishments for the day, viz. my list of 10 things I’m grateful for. 😉

  11. azahar says:

    Hey, you forgot to list that you have US!!! 🙂

    *sends long-distance snibbles*

  12. piereth says:

    Good girl. Running is the way ahead! How’s that for a supposedly erudite saying which is actually blithering idiocy! I’m getting quite a reputation for these… 😉

  13. modestypress says:

    I am still working on my impractical scheme to match you and David.

    You both realize that you can’t live with anybody else. That is a promising sign, though not a guarantee.

    David, is much like my wife. She is too cranky and ornery to get really depressed. I think David should cultivate that portion of his personality. It may work for you as well. Perhaps you and David should become a “his and her” team of serial murderers, who sing the song–can’t think of the exact title “They wouldn’t be missed.”

  14. modestypress says:

    OK, I thought of the song. From Gilbert and Sullivan’s Mikado

    “AS someday it may happen that a victim must be found”

    You may put ’em on the list — you may put ’em on the list;
    And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed!

    Once the pledge drive really gets going, David and truce will use the money to roam the world eliminating the people who will “none of them be missed.” When another irritating person drops out of sight, it will be our little secret what happened to them.

  15. But see, Mr. Random, you’ve hit on the one reason why Trucie and I can never live together. I am a die-hard Savoyard. She hates G&S. We would kill each other long before we got rid of that nisi prius nuisance, the judicial humorist.

  16. Jenny says:

    How was the day and a half off? Do you celebrate Halloween in Australia?

  17. modestypress says:

    David,

    You and Trucie are not supposed to “live together.” The point of a successful relationship for both of you is to frankly state your non-negotiable prejudices and incurable flaws right up front and agree to only spend time together cherishing what you have in common and agree on. As soon as either of you feels a need to state an irritating opinion or act in an irritating manner, you immediately leave each other’s company.

    In the past you tried in your other relationships to be something you are not. It never worked.

    Now, you just say, “This is what I am. Some of it is wonderful; some of it is dreadful. Only order the portions you can handle; don’t take any of the items that make you puke.”

    Really, have either of you ever tried honesty right from the start in a relationship?

    This would probably kill most people. Neither of you is most people.

  18. piereth says:

    MP’s got a point there! Perhaps THE point. Pardon me for sticking in my two cents, but if you can’t call a spade a bloody shovel from the start of a relationship, the thing is doomed. I speak from personal etc.

    I will never share a bedroom, or a bed, with anyone again on a regular basis. I have discovered on of my non-negotiables in the wake of my break-up. I like my own space, no encroachment allowed.

  19. pandemonic says:

    I hope you’re feeling okay.

    Perhaps a trip to Portland is in order???

  20. LazyBuddhist says:

    If you were here in the States, I would probably just say that you have a case of pre-election nerves. The prospect of that Palin woman anywhere near the White House is enough to sink me and probably millions others into the deepest of funks.

    I do the believe the best cure for whatever ails you is a rabbit or two. I laugh everyday at their antics. Perhaps if you are uncomfortable adopting, does your local shelter need bunny foster moms?

  21. truce says:

    Jenny – lovely day and a half, thanks. Excellent book, with tea on the balcony in the sunshine. Heaven.

    Mr Random – I would love to try absolute honesty up front ‘next time’ (if there ever is one) but I feel sure that nobody but David could handle it. 😉

    piereth – I could probably handle sharing a bed, but a bathroom? NEVER.

    pandemonic – thanks, the feeling is still lurking, but I am determined not to give in to it. Can’t afford a trip anywhere at the moment!

    LazyBuddhist – its depressing enough even though we’re not in the States. Good luck for tomorrow. And I would love to adopt a bun, but I live in a rented apartment with rented furniture including a large sea-grass rug, lots of wood fixtures and a beautiful suede sofa, none of which would survive a bunny’s love.

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