5 Uses For My iPhone…

1. When having your hair cut, instead of having to make inane small-talk about your holidays with the vapid muppet wielding the scissors or being reduced to flicking (in horror) through the only available ‘reading’ matter, viz. gossip and fashion mags, you can put in your headphones and watch downloaded episodes of Battlestar Galactica in peace. ‘Course, you’ll then only have yourself to blame if you end up with a mullet, having not paid close enough attention to the vapid muppet’s questions about just how ‘funky’ you wanted to look…

2. On your morning run, you can use the iTrail app’s GPS capability to plot your route on a Google Earth map or satellite image – thus demonstrating exactly how slowly you are, in fact, moving, you lazy cow.

3. You can use the Spend budget app to track how much you really spend on peanut M&Ms in any given month. 

4. Tweetie – the iPhone Twitter client – will enable you to follow people you have never met, but have admired on TV or in films, and know what they are doing on the other side of the planet. This will help you to ignore your self-destructive urge to know what those people you have met but who are just not that into you are doing on the other side of the planet.

5. You can keep instantly up to date with the xkcd serialised electric skateboard race between Randall and Nathan Fillion (aka Captain Mal Reynolds). And if that reference means nothing to you, I sincerely pity you. Firefly rocks.

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15 Responses to 5 Uses For My iPhone…

  1. 1. The person who cuts my hair is as old as I am and not by any stretch of the imagination a muppet. She would find it incredibly rude if I was plugged in to some electronic device while she was cutting my hair.
    2. What morning run? When you are running you have time to look at your Google earth image on your iPhone? Call me when you fall off the curb and break your neck.
    3. Peanut M&Ms? I’m on a weight reduction diet here, no things that convey high fructose corn syrup are welcome in my mouth, much less my budget.
    4. I don’t really want to know what celebrities are doing. I don’t even read People magazine.
    5. Fireflies do rock, they are just now starting to emerge from their larval stage and light up the edge of the woods. In the evening when they rise from the grass it is positively magical.

  2. azahar says:

    1. I usually bring a book. Really, I am so crap at small talk, and I’m pretty sure that my hairdresser is not really interested in anything I might have to say. I couldn’t use my iPhone there though because for some reason there’s no reception – have to go outside to make a phone call.

    2. I miss morning runs. It’s been years since my old back just couldn’t take it anymore. I’d have loved to know how far/fast I was actually going. Cool.

    3. Must check out the Spend budget app. Might help me to know where to cut down on expenses.

    4. I use Twittlelator and actually find it easier to catch up on tweets this way. It shows three at a time with one click – my eyes tend to wander when I have a whole computer screen of tweets to look through. Since I have both personal and business Twitter accounts it means a lot of catching up sometimes, which I often do at 3am on the iPhone when I can’t sleep.

    5. Pity my ignorance but please don’t despise me (to paraphrase Dickens).

  3. This is a fine post, but your sidebar Tweet abou the “sweating bankers” has distracted me with its hilarity.

  4. woo says:

    David – good. Do you tweet?

    Azahar – 5. You would LOVE Firefly. S’riously, I recommend it strongly.

    Healingmagichands – Sadly, I have never seen fireflies in the wild, although I have illustrated them several times. I’d love to see them but we don’t have them in the UK or in New South Wales.

  5. Fugitive Pieces says:

    Mmm. Nathan Fillion. Well, if the Poetry app hadn’t sold me on the All-Seeing iPhone, that just did it.
    PS but your hair looked fine…mullet? Really? Or is that just an acknowledgement of tangible risk, given the muppet/headphone strategy?
    PPS thank you for being the best dinner-party guest, y’know, ever. Srsly.

  6. The fireflies have just started flying at night in earnest. Today while I was walking Ruby the nearly full moon illuminated the field we were walking around and all over it there were fireflies floating and darting, and in the dark shadows of the woods at the edge there were sparkling dances going on as the little predators hunted for aphids and whiteflies. It was wonderful. In the pond at the edge of the field there were a few peepers left to peep, while the tree frogs and the green frogs are now on the increase. The night woods are noisy.

  7. piereth says:

    My hairdresser is an ally and a mate and we spend our monthly snip sessions deep in sucrrilous gossip and cackles of laughter.

    I would have gone running this am but for the first time in my life I turned my alarm off in my sleep and rolled over. Cue mad panic at 30 mins to work time!

    I twitter enough without the wind-assistance of modern technology, plus I don’t, I really DON’T, need any more reasons to procrastinate at work!!


  8. I have seen those electric skateboards – so cool! – as is xkcd’s serial!

    Technical question – do I need a mobile phone to twaddle twitter?

  9. I joined Twitter, but found I didn’t have the energy to keep up with the whole thing. I do love reading other people’s sidebar Tweets on blogs, though.

  10. I barely use my land line phone, much less the cell phone. I just can’t get used to the idea that the phone can come with you! I mean, Dick Tracy 2 way wrist radio step right up! My mind boggles. I barely have time to keep up with blogging and email, I can’t imagine how many weeds I’d have if I had to keep up with Twitter too! Besides, what about Demi Moore’s life is more exciting than mine? Does she have robins raising babies right outside her window? I’m not a complete Luddite, just mostly.

  11. woo says:

    Fugitive Pieces – Yup. Oh yeah baby. P.S. Thank you, its okay – and it will soon grow again… P.P.S. You are most welcome, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Roast lamb and a baby – what’s not to love?

    healingmagichands – that description of your woods at night was so evocative. I think I am going to have to start saving for a trip to somewhere with fireflies!

    Piereth – I regularly roll over and turn my alarm off. In fact, that’s another use for me iPhone: I set the alarm on it and then leave it in the living room so I *have* to get out of bed in order to switch it off. Once I’m upright, I’m awake… 🙂 You should twitter, you’d be brilliant at it. I enjoy the challenge of being concise (140 characters only) but creative in my tweets.

    archie – Randall is (and I don’t apply this term lightly) a genius. And no, you don’t need a mobile phone to use twitter: most people update from their computer… its basically just a REALLY short way of blogging. Great fun 🙂

    David – Oh but you’d be such a wonderful tweeter. 😉

    healingmagichands – I don’t even have a landline phone anymore. It was just costing me money every month and I never used it. I text alot as its so much cheaper than phoning (and because I don’t like speaking to people when I can’t see their face). I don’t follow idiotic celebrities like Demi Moore on twitter – but Stephen Fry and Eddie Izzard are hilarious and interesting. Plus, they are so much part of the England that I left behind that they seem reassuringly familiar. 🙂

  12. We have to have a landline or our satellite tv receivers cannot talk to home base and decide which programs to record. I have no idea why they cannot converse via their satellite, but the phone seems to be essential. Also, our DSL is still running through the optical phone lines, so we have to have that line for the computer. I have to admit that I know that I could become seriously addicted to the internet and phone and twitter if I had it available. So I make sure it isn’t available. I have a serious time crunch because of the garden that you all enjoy so much. Especially now when the weeds are threatening to get ahead of me!

    Maybe not liking to talk to people unless I can see them is why I don’t use the phone more. I lived without any phone or electricity for several years in Alaska, I got used to not being able to talk to anyone unless I was at work. It was very peaceful, and I don’t miss it now. I use the phone when I have to in order to make appointments. However, I think that Skype, with its video possibilities could turn me into a phoner.

    I never thought I’d ever get used to computers, now I can’t imagine my life without one!

  13. If you wanted to see fireflies, you could visit me here in the heartland. We could go floating on the Niangua too. Fireflies are only visible during the summer, from May to about late September. So you’d be experiencing the Ozarks at their most chigger- and tick-ridden, hot and humid best.

  14. woo says:

    That sounds wonderful… but wait, what are chiggers???!!!!

  15. pandemonic says:

    I belong to the Facebook group “I use my phone as a flashlight.”

    Chiggers are small, annoying little ticks that are too tiny to see. When they bite you, though, you know it.

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