In Which The Universe Has GOT To Be Kidding.

I had a feeling I was going to bump into someone on the street today, and I did. But was it Tall Pilot Guy? Nope, it was not. It was the younger sister of the ex who broke my heart.

She always was a lovely girl – well, woman now, of course – and I have not seen her in eight years, so it was a happy albeit brief reunion as we were both hurrying to other engagements. One of the things which made the split with said ex so painful was that I truly loved his family – even though he made me royally miserable by the end – so splitting from them was a real wrench.

He’s now married, of course, with children; like all 3 of my ex’s. We’re not in touch – his wife refused to meet me and apparently didn’t want him in touch with me – but he actually sent me his ‘regards’ through a mutual friend while I was back in the UK over the holidays: I was polite and returned them but quickly changed the subject. I don’t want to be his mate and pretend it never happened. It did happen. It hurt like hell.

Mostly I’m over it, except that now when someone tells me they love me I don’t quite believe them and I can’t quite believe that anyone would actually want to be with me, since I thought he was my best friend as well as my lover, and he didn’t.

He broke my heart so badly that I still haven’t found all the pieces, let alone reassembled them into a decent whole. Pathetic, no?

Still, it was good to see her and we swapped numbers, so I’ll call her and catch up on her life next week sometime. I can’t blame her for what I perceive to be her brother’s failings. πŸ™‚

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31 Responses to In Which The Universe Has GOT To Be Kidding.

  1. modestypress says:

    Mournful violin music running through my head.

  2. That’s not pathetic, it takes courage to love someone that much. If love wasn’t risky, it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

  3. piereth says:

    not pathetic. i can’t believe you bumped into her on the street. Terrible bloody luck, despite the fact that I know how much you like her and her mother.

    And on this note you did your best with him; he’s difficult and something of a bastard when he gets going and you gave your all, which must only be applauded.

    Sending big warm hugs and crispy cold bars of Galaxy for your soul xxx

  4. azahar says:

    Eight years ago?

    You haven’t been in Sydney that long … what are they doing there?

    I’m confused.

    And apropos of nothing at all, have you tried the iPhone PaperToss Game App? You have been warned…

    • woo says:

      Ah yes, that was what was so surprising – this is an ex from England… so the last person I expected to bump into in Australia (and in my very own neighbourhood, too) was his sister!

      Will have to check out the game now, I’m intrigued… πŸ˜‰

  5. doctordi says:

    Not. Pathetic. Not in the least – very gutsy to step off that ledge and let yourself love (and you know, eventually you’ll do it again).

    Erm, Woo girl, much as I *hate* to dampen the reunion, given the irrecoverable heart shrapnel, I’d be waving her off with an affectionate ta ta. Nice to see you, lovely to collide, so pleased you’re doing well, but, um, no. Let’s not.

    But maybe that’s just me.

    • woo says:

      Mmm, I think, on balance, you’re right. Meeting up for a coffee and a fairly brief catch up chat would be nice, but I don’t think I’ll be welcoming her into my life with open arms – I can do without the constant reminder of her bro!

  6. Fugitive Pieces says:

    Moments like this make you wonder – exactly how far away do you have to move, before the past stays in the past? ‘Nother galaxy? Would that do it?
    (In the case of chilled Galaxy bars though, another one won’t be nearly enough. Oy, Piereth? Any chance of one those coming my way too? Pretty please?)

  7. The past is never in the past. We carry it with us always. But. . .
    “Mostly I’m over it, except that now when someone tells me they love me I don’t quite believe them and I can’t quite believe that anyone would actually want to be with me, since I thought he was my best friend as well as my lover, and he didn’t.” As long as you carry that inability to believe around with you, you are probably going to continue to have difficulties finding another love. Just because he was a bastard an didn’t want to be with you does not mean someone else is not out there with grand potential. Let go of your disbelief.

  8. piereth says:

    @HMH – gotta say I’m with you 100% on this. Sounds a little unrealistic and I know how hard it is to do, having done it: trusting someone new doesn’t make you an idiot, not even if they eventually fail to live up.

    ~What’s the cliche? Love like you’ve never been hurt? 5 easy, trite words to say, and a world’s worth of effort and fear to overcome. Don’t let him win, Woo. He will always be a headfucker, and what’s more, he knows it.

    xXx

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Yes, well, to be fair to the ex, I didn’t really believe I was loveable before we got together either. Doubtless at least partly because of my relationship with my Dad growing up, and being sent off to boarding school at 7.

      So, clearly I have some stuff to work on, as they say… πŸ™‚

  9. OmbudsBen says:

    Echoing what HMH and piereth wrote, while acknowledging that there’s truth to ‘once burned, twice shy.’ Hang in there, T-woo. Is it best to see her? Seems like some salt is splashing on old wounds, no?

    • Norwichrocks says:

      I hear ya, but since the wounds are clearly not fully healed anyway, despite the passing of many years, perhaps a bit of salt splashing is what’s needed? Anyway, it will help open a new chapter, if nothing else.

  10. Fugitive Pieces says:

    I was mulling over this some more in the wee small hours. HMH and Piereth are both ahead of me, but I think it boils down to this: you think that you were wrong, to love and believe him – that it was your mistake. This, for you, means that no one else will want to be with you, catastrophically wrong and mistaken as you must be in some indefinable way.
    Actually he was wrong (about so much, and so many things). He is not in on some mystic universal secret about you, that only men can hear, in the manner of high-pitched dog whistles. He didn’t perceive something shameful that you should try to hide. He made a life-sized mistake. His mistake, love. His loss, not to love you and be loved by you.
    We’re none of us too good at believing in our own loveableness, and I know how you feel about faith. This is one thing you’re just going to have to take on faith, or at least respect the judgement of y’learned friends. Not only are you immensely, intensely loveable, but loving – and that is what counts.

    • Norwichrocks says:

      I shall certainly endeavour to respect the judgement of m’learned friends, yes. In this, as in all things!

      • doctordi says:

        Actually, I think men do have their own high-pitched whistling thing going on… just the way their heads swivel at the exact same time like that, whether it be tow trucks or tottie…

    • Fugitive Pieces says:

      Yeah, Di, but that’s not a mystic universal secret, is it? It’s reely not that complicated a sound. It’s either a beeping heavy goods vehicle, or a waist-hip ratio as tapped through the Morse code of high heels… whereas our Woo is more of a symphony. Or a Them Crooked Vultures song, this week.

      • doctordi says:

        True, Fugitive… Men: the great one note wonders.

      • Fugitive Pieces says:

        No…more attuned to certain sounds, maybe. But these days, everyone sounds complex to me, male or female. It’s just ridiculously noisy out there. Positively cacophonous. Which is why I like plants. OK, I’d best stop hijacking Woo’s post and do some weeding.

  11. Norwichrocks says:

    I like plants, too.

    And I have a date tonight with Tall Pilot Guy.

    πŸ™‚

  12. Deb says:

    Oh my darling, I could have written two of those paragraphs pretty much verbatim, which is why this made my heart ache for you. And also why Fugitive Pieces reply caused a lump in my throat and decidedly damp eyes.

    But witness.. the date tonight with TPG… as a dear friend of mine often reminds me when I am feeling caught up in knots about such things, after one has been badly betrayed (truly horribly betrayed of the -tear your guts out with a machete then stomp all over them- variety) simply being willing to get out there again, period, and be open, even in a small way, to new love is brave.

    What I’m trying to say is, don’t focus so much on the insecurities, doubts and loss of trust you feel as a result of your (&*^%$#) ex, but rather congratulate yourself for still being able to hope and strong enough to try… I’m not sure those sort of wounds are ever magically healed entirely, they become part of us, but it is possible to move past them and the scar that’s left is visible only to you.

    Besides, I second the infinitely, adorably, charmingly lovely and loving. No question.

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Deb honey, you’re right, I know you’re right. As Oscar famously said, its “the triumph of hope over experience” πŸ™‚

      And right back at you with the infinitely, adorably, charmingly lovely and loving. No question.

      Boudicca, the Amazons, Joan of Arc and us, brave warrior women, eh?!

  13. doctordi says:

    Hear, hear!

    And Woo, how exciting about the date tonight!! All aflutter for you – hope you have a wonderfully tall time!!

  14. Pete says:

    Best of luck with the date! And I know this thread is incredibly long but just a small addition. Your ex’s sister still loves you, which is a good sign. A brief coffee won’t hurt.

    And relationships don’t work out all the time. I know. It’s certainly not pathetic to get your heart broken. In fact, I’m rather suspicious of people who never get their hearts broken.

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Good point, I suppose it is a good sign that my ex’s sister didn’t try to avoid me.

      I think I’m more envious of people who seem to have found their love quickly and easily. I’ve lived in several different cities on more than one continent and I still haven’t come close.

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