A friend told me this weekend that Tall Pilot Guy is known as a ‘player’.
She also said he was apparently a ‘really nice guy’.
Now, it seems to me that a person can’t be both. So, what am I to make of this information?
Normally, I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who is a player. If anything, I’d be sorely tempted to teach their arrogant arse a lesson by blatantly disdaining them from a great moral height.
But he seemed to me to be a decent chap. Intelligent, funny and interested in another human being enough to maintain a good two-way conversation. If anything, he seemed a little awkward and afraid I might eat him.
And I might have done, had he not been at least 5 years too young for me. 😉
Which reminds me – I keep dreaming of a night nearly a year ago when I had The Man I Love sitting completely still and passive in my arms. It was dark, he was a little drunk and vulnerable and we were alone. And I did nothing except hold his hand and stroke his hair. I wanted to turn and straddle him, kiss him on the mouth and… well, I’ll leave you to imagine the rest.
In my dream, I don’t let my sense of honour keep me sitting beside him, just comforting him while he wept. And I ignore the little voice which was relentlessly telling me “He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend. Don’t be that kind of woman. Don’t do it. You’ll never forgive yourself.”
The voice was right; I would never have forgiven myself. But, at the same time, god how I wish I was a less morally disciplined person sometimes. It would have been fun while it lasted.