Welcome to Monday

1. Today’s first work decision involved the photo below, supplied as visual reference for a detailed illustration of a medieval knight in armour, and the following email from one of my German artists:

Hi Trucie,

i had a closer look at the Prince Ferdinand armour refs – and i can remember that we had problems with even indicating horse genitals before. I think this is too offensive for some markets? So, we should change the artwork, yes? Wie schade!

markus

*rolls eyes*

Salvador Dali would love my life…

2. I went speed-dating again last week. It was ‘University Educated’ speed-dating (a sub-set recommended by a friend who met her last boyfriend at the same event last year) and the evening was enlivened by a trivia quiz, to the winner of which a prize was promised. I shan’t bother with false modesty here since you all know me well enough to see straight through it: I won, with a score of 9/10. NO ONE is more trivial than me. Tragically, however, the much vaunted prize turned out to be two tickets to another speed-dating event. How utterly rubbish.

I learnt two interesting pieces of information during the evening which I will share with you here.

i) That China has more sheep than Australia (which was the question I answered incorrectly)

ii) That neuro-surgeons have absolutely no sense of humour when it comes to rocket science jokes. Also, they really dislike being beaten at trivia. Especially by blonde women who fail to begin the proper form of worship as soon as the words “Actually, I’m a surgeon. What kind of surgery? Oh, neuro-surgery” fall from their lips.

3. Normally, I don’t tick anyone at these things, because nobody really takes my fancy and I don’t wish to waste my or anyone else’s time. But on this occasion I decided to heed the advice of the organiser-lady and tick men who seemed interesting and intelligent, regardless of whether I was romantically or sexually attracted to them, on the grounds that widening one’s social circle with new friends is a good way to meet potential partners.

So, I ticked four men:

a) Neuro-surgeon Man: because, although he was a little arrogant and overweight, he was intelligent. Plus, I’m sure I must appear arrogant sometimes, too, so I ought not to hold that against anyone, right? πŸ˜‰

b) Tall Slightly Odd Guy: because he was interesting looking and I was initially drawn to him, and we had a good chat both before the event began and again during the break. Β I enjoyed verbally sparring with him, although a couple of things he said threw me a little. Can’t remember exactly what now, but it wasn’t because they were off-colour, it was more a cultural reference thing that I didn’t get because of my non-Aussie background.

c) Ethnic Vietnamese Traveller Guy: because, although he is a doctor, he had just taken a year out to travel the world and to visit the village in Vietnam where his parents had been born. He was not terribly tall but was intelligent and interesting.

d) Another Bloke Who I Am Entirely Unable To Remember. Oh wait, he was an English chap from Surrey or Sussex. Now a high school teacher over here. I think I ticked him just because he seemed so familiar, you know?

Anyway, did any of them tick me? Only c.

So that should teach me.

Although it probably won’t.

4) There was a cute guy there, though, behind the bar. When I first arrived and ordered a drink, he complimented me on my perfume, which was lovely as well as unexpected. We caught each other’s eye a few times during the night, too.

So, before I left I wrote the following on a napkin:

‘If you’re single, call me’

with my phone number, and gave it to the other barman to pass on to Cute Guy (since he’d disappeared into the staff area carrying some boxes and I didn’t want to hang around outside the door to waylay him).

I’ve never done that before. Go me!

Of course, he hasn’t called me. But still. I did it. I wonder whether the half glass of champagne I had consumed had anything to do with it – given that I don’t usually drink so my half glass is probably equivalent to most people’s three glasses…

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27 Responses to Welcome to Monday

  1. Love the napkin ploy … do you think he’ll know the napkin note was from you? Did you sign it “Enticing Perfumed Damsel” or something similar?

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Ah, I didn’t, but I figured the other chap would be able to say ‘tall, blonde woman’ or something similar which would hopefully have reminded him of our earlier conversation. I did consider signing it with a reference to perfume but unaccountably decided not to.

  2. azahar says:

    What’s your perfume?

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Body Shop Moroccan Rose – cos its not expensive, is not tested on animals, doesn’t bring my skin out in red blotches and doesn’t make me smell like I could knock small children dead at 20 paces; just a nice, clean, fresh faintly rosey scent.
      πŸ™‚

  3. sledpress says:

    I can’t get anywhere near people who are wearing perfume (or men’s cologne). Ninety-nine out of a hundred varieties give me a pounding headache and make me feel like I’m going to have to wash out my nose and possibly my stomach with soap. I’ve quit jobs over it. It never ceases to amaze me that in some situations it actually provokes attraction. (It’s unquestionably something in the fixatives or whatever because I can work with essential oils.)

    Surgeons are arrogant in a whole different way from most people. Imagine what kind of a mentality you have to have to look forward to a career of cutting into people when they’re unconscious and helpless.

    If you “tick” someone at one of those things does that mean the outfit who is hosting it passes on your phone number, or how does it work?

    • Norwichrocks says:

      yep, I’m absolutely with you. Can’t bear perfumes – they quite literally bring me out in a rash. This one is basically just essential oil of rose with some citrus in it. Smells like a vaguely rosey soap.

      Ah well, if you tick them and they tick you, then each of you gets the other’s email address. If you tick them but they don’t tick you, you just get a nice sense of rejection.

      πŸ˜‰

  4. I have a similar problem to Sledpress. Most perfumes make me headachy, especially CHEAP ones. I am positive it is the fixatives. However, give me a bottle of Jean Patou’s 1000, or Nina Ricci L’air du temps and I am just fine. No one can call me a cheap date. I also have no problem with essential oils. And as my good friend Jeri is wont to say, “There is nothing wrong with the smell of clean.”

    I have a big problem with surgeons as well, mostly because no matter what problem you present to them they believe it will be solved by cutting into you whether you are helpless and unconscious or not. I tend to be skeptical of someone who’s livelihood depends on convincing you that this is true, even if waiting for something to heal would work just as well.

    And what is up with all the surgical treatments for broken bones nowadays. Don’t they make plaster casts any more?

    • Norwichrocks says:

      I once ranted at an employee at one of those perfume counters in a department store who sprayed me as I walked past, I was standing in front of her explaining how perfumes bring me out in a rash because of the additives in them and she was looking all incredulous when, lo and behold, one side of my face and my neck where she had sprayed turned red and blotchy. Then she was afraid I was going to call her manager and sue the store, but by then I was so angry I just wanted to go home and sulk.

      Luckily, this Body Shop one isn’t like that at all πŸ™‚ Its more like a cross between an essential oil and a soap.

      I’m so glad not to have been ‘under the knife’ and so determined to do all in my power to keep it that way (obviously, not everything is within my control as we know from Azahar’s experience) that I think I practically backed away when he said he was a surgeon, whereas I gather most single women are expected to fling themselves at doctors.

      • Oh, yeah, the perfume counter rant. They only caught me unawares once, after that I developed a seriously scary glare. I think they are afraid to come near me with those samples now. Although I have noticed that lately when they are dispensing those spritzes they generally ask now, where they didn’t 15 years ago. So people who react with headaches and rashes are not so uncommon as you might think, and the department stores are becoming aware of this.

  5. Oh, I totally forgot I was going to comment on number one above. Are there really children who are unaware that they have genitals?

    • sledpress says:

      Me too. I was wondering how exactly you indicate horse genitals.

      Unless it’s the way we all indicate genitals, after a fashion, when we want to communicate a certain disdain by silent gesture.

      • Norwichrocks says:

        Its an ongoing saga, that of the genitals of various animals and their visibility or not in illustrations meant for children in the US. Seriously – every other country in the world has no problem with it, but we ALWAYS have to photoshop out or otherwise hide the genitals of animals in our illustrations for our American customers.

        And don’t even start me on the lengths I have to go to to veil or disguise men’s nipples on historical illustrations of ancient Egyptians, say, or Greeks… *rolls eyes*

  6. It is fascinating how the reaction to my generation’s freedom is kicking in. Strange that, despite all the denial, those wowsers and censorship people are still naked under their clothes.

    Or are they?

  7. modestypress says:

    I am hoping that in all the speed dating, speedy love (with or without armor, depending on your tastes) will arrive. Speedily, if slowly and langorously. I better stop before I get in trouble.

  8. azahar says:

    I’ve only worn two perfumes in my life. One was given to me as a gift when I was about 25 – a Ralf Lauren perfume that has since been discontinued. The other is one I searched high and low for after the RL one went tits up. It took me years to find a scent I liked, that felt like ME. Clinique Elixir.

    Reactions to both scents over the past 25 years or so have always been very positive, from people asking me what gorgeous scent I am wearing to others saying that whenever they come across it somewhere else it makes them think of me.

    Yes, it is applied sparingly, just one spritz or two in the morning. With the RL one I only ever used the body lotion. Last year I ran out of my Clinique Elixir and, as I couldn’t afford to buy more, had to go to the local dept store to spritz up … finally got some for Christmas. It’s lovely smelling like ME again.

    Moroccan Rose sounds lovely. Don’t think it would work for me, but it sounds perfect for you.

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Its nice to have a ‘signature scent’ I think. One that makes people think of you when they smell it but which isn’t overpowering.

      I shall have a whiff of Clinique Elixir next time I’m in a department store πŸ™‚

    • sledpress says:

      Is Ralph Lauren going tits up anything like the men’s nipples that NR has to airbrush out for American markets?

      I’m so fascinated with people’s own scents that signature scents are almost superfluous. I reckon I have got a hyperacute sense of smell. One reason the commercial perfumes deck me. Even my cats all have aromas that are distinctive to me, faintly adulterated with tuna at times I admit.

  9. doctordi says:

    Stand back next time we meet up, Woo, as I’ll undoubtedly be packing some kind of perfumed punch… I am quite fussy, but I do dab. Please don’t erase my tick!

    Good for you with the napkin – god that sounds so RACY!!! It’s a proper filmic move, innit?! I love it. Love that you did it. I am all for a bit of dating game chutzpah (she says at a safe remove from the frontline…).

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Fear not, m’love, your tick is in no danger of being erased at all πŸ™‚

      And the barman I gave my napkin-number to did call me… but said he had a girlfriend already. Damn. Still, he said “If I was single, I would definitely have asked you out” so it wasn’t a total bust!

      Dating chutzpah? I suspect I’m more of a dating chintz kinda gal… but I’m tryin’!

  10. OmbudsBen says:

    Yes, we Americans just can’t handle letting our children see genitalia.
    *Shakes head, rolls eyes, palms upward, askance*
    To riff off the old play title: No Sex, Please, We’re American.

    Does it redeem my culture’s prudishness at all if I pun about that codpiece armor giving the knight one heckuva hard on?

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Ha! Oddly enough, that original email spawned a whole day’s worth of pics of various suits of armour with ‘interesting’ codpieces… Henry VIII’s is definitely worth investigating.

      I feel that you Americans should insist on your leaders and heros having similar suits made for posterity… πŸ˜‰

  11. OmbudsBen says:

    Posterity? No, no, certainly the codpiece is meant for the front, yes? πŸ˜€

    Or maybe you reference the time-honored politicians’ tactic of CYA? Actually, given the problems our politicos will leave for future generations, they probably should get suits of armor.

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