After a day of winter rain here – just one day of it – I’m feeling low. Struggling to remain cheerful and hopeful. Obviously, the weather isn’t the only culprit but it certainly makes a tangible difference to my mood.
Which makes me wonder how on earth I managed to stay sane for the first 35 years of my life, living in Ireland, Scotland and England where grey skies and drizzle were pretty much the norm for the majority of the year?
Oh, right, yes. I didn’t.
Anyway, back to moaning… my sunshine-filled holiday is a fading memory and I’m sitting at my desk, cramming daal and naan down my neck and trying not to allow myself to fall into that tempting pit – the one filled with fears of being unattractive and unloved – wherein no good can come of wallowing.
I must make more of an effort to ‘think positively’, to list all the things for which I am – or should be – grateful.
1. my health. I think of Azahar and I know I should not take this for granted, and that good health is a Great Good, especially in that it allows me to do all sorts of physical activities that I enjoy.
2. my brother and sisters – though they are far away which makes my contact with them limited. Also, we’re rubbish at keeping in touch having been carted off to boarding schools when we were little, where we were segregated by sex and age while we were still impressionable. We thus formed the habit of not seeing or hearing from one another from one term to the next.
3. my friends – and here I include my blogosphere friends as well as my ‘real world’ friends. Afterall, there are thousands of miles of ocean between me and many of my RW friends so in some senses their presence is no more or less real than that of the people who read and comment here.
4. my job – 99% of which I thoroughly enjoy and look forward to. Plus, it is not badly paid and the hours are reasonable, and many of my colleagues have also become friends – people with whom I want to spend time outside of the office, the rarity of which I appreciate.
5. my flat – well, its not mine really, I just rent it, but I’ve been there for 2 years now and I feel fairly settled. Its small but situated only 15 mins (picturesque) walk from the office in a quiet and villagey harbourside suburb.
6. okay, but now I’m stuck.
Shall we mention the elephant in the room? The big, ugly, single elephant?
No, let’s not. It will only encourage her.