I shouldn't write posts when I'm hungry

1. I make perfect sense. Really. Just don’t take me out of context, that’s all I’m saying:

“Don’t worry, I’m all over the cheetahs. I just need to unzip them, then I’ll mark them up and leave them on your desk.”

2. Jaymes (personal trainer and all-round fitness nutter) said to me after our run this morning: “That’s good, well done. I’ll soon whip you into shape!”

I replied: “Listen mate, if anyone is going to be handling a whip around here it will be me. And it will cost you extra.”

His face was priceless. Which almost made up for the pain of the (uphill) run.

3. Our new MD wants us all to contribute to a mood board of images and text that inspire us (presumably so we can incorporate some of it in our books, though that wasn’t made clear). Nobody else has bothered – of course – but I ran out of space pretty quickly. This place needs bigger walls. I have YEARS worth of this stuff. πŸ™‚

4. The friend who is staying with me is DOING MY HEAD IN. She laughs every time she utters a sentence. And they’re not funny sentences, let me tell you.

Also, she is untidy – strews her belongings all over the place. And she appears to bathe in much the same way a hippo does – depositing most of the water on the floor of the bathroom.

But, worse than all the other annoyances is that she is guilty of The Cardinal Sin: namely, that she is one of those people who doesn’t recognise that when one is reading a book, one is fully occupied. Busy. Otherwise engaged. Not to be disturbed unless Absolutely Necessary. She seems to think books are just for handy gripping practice while holding a(n inane) conversation.

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15 Responses to I shouldn't write posts when I'm hungry

  1. piereth says:

    AAAAAHHHHHRRRRGGHH!!

    I HATEHATEHATE people who do this!!!

    Why do they think you’re not gainfully employed if you’re reading?? Would they talk to you while you were on the telephone?? CHRIST!

    Chuck them in the Harbour and prevent their coming back to dry land by throwing books at their head. Big ones. Quartos. No, folios, if you can get’em. Made of concrete. That’ll do it!

    • Norwichrocks says:

      AND she turns the TV on as soon as she comes in, regardless of what’s on. Its criminal. I think I need to invent a book with a built-in boxing glove on a spring, which boings out and pops people on the nose when they interrupt someone who is reading.

  2. sledpress says:

    Second that. BOOKS ARE HOLY. Books are ecstasy in the precise etymological sense. It’s as rude as attempting to converse with people who are having sex.

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Books are ecstasy. Yes. Yes, they are.

      I think her problem is that she doesn’t ever get completely caught up in a book, so she doesn’t know what she’s interrupting. Her ‘reading’ (can you hear the sarcasm there?) is limited to magazines and chick lit, which she peruses with about the same level of attention as she regards the TV. Its all just background noise while she talks… and laughs, god help her.

      • sledpress says:

        I’ve had some bad revelations involving people who said they “loved to read” and it turned out to mean this kind of thing. Wayne Dyer books. Sylvia Browne.

        Does anyone remember Reader’s Digest condensed books? Dreary popular books (mostly) truncated for people who couldn’t even hack their way through the vapid originals.

  3. azahar says:

    You have a personal trainer? *envy*

    As for your annoying house guest … well, YOU INVITED HER!!! :RAZZ:

  4. You have my permission to install a ball gag. In her mouth. . .

    I’m bemused by the idea that talking to a person who is reading is just as rude as talking to people having sex. I’ve never had a house guest who was brave enough to even come near me when I was having sex.

    I had a boyfriend once while I was in college whose father had a real aversion to women in general but most particularly those women who laughed for no reason. It made his relationships particularly dicey.

    If Jaymes shows up at your next meeting with a whip and some money, what are you going to do????

    • Norwichrocks says:

      “If Jaymes shows up at your next meeting with a whip and some money, what are you going to do????”

      Take his money and invest in a good whip, of course. Heh heh.

  5. modestypress says:

    1. Just don’t mix your cheetahs and your leopards. That’s cheating.

    2. I want to see a photo of you chasing your trainer with a whip in your hand. Think of the motivation to make you run faster, longer, and harder.

    3. Should not the outside walls of the largest building in Sydney be converted into a mood board? Visible from satellites circling the earth?

    4. The value of your “friend” is that once she is gone you will appreciate your own uninterrupted company more than you do now. Also, after she is gone, you can make a book about etiquette for her and send it to her. Fortunately, she will never get through it all.

    • Norwichrocks says:

      2. Okay, maybe when I’m fully fit πŸ™‚ I’ve already lost 3kgs and have noticeably toned up, so its working…

  6. doctordi says:

    There I was giggling away, and then BHAM. Bad House Guest Strikes Again. Oh god, how completely maddening!!! When does this little visitation come to a timely end? It sounds painful.

    • Norwichrocks says:

      Thankfully, she has now left… but this Tuesday and Wednesday nights I will be staying with a friend so that another friend and his wife can use my place.

      After that, no more. I shall positively revel in my own space for the foreseeable.

  7. OmbudsBen says:

    When my mother was reading and we kids got too loud, she began reading her book aloud. We always got the hint and piped down.

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